The Couch Curling Generation by Kathy with a K
The brooms have changed. Rules have changed. Players have changed. But the love of the sport of curling hasn’t changed -actually it’s grown. However, for many of us, we have to curl from the couch now. That means we are the best all-round curlers.
In 2024, between social media and television, Couch Curlers have access to more curling than ever. We can participate with every team, every player, every rock, every analysis, and every location including games played in countries other than Canada. We can even see the repeat games on you Tube. We also get to be both judge and jury on every aspect of curling including passing judgement on future decisions ( 4/5 rock rule, sweeping styles/material, how many members from outside province etc.). Granted we don’t have input on the decision process or the final one. But if you visited our living rooms when those decisions are considered or finalized, you would hear the gavel of guilty or not guilty echoed throughout Canada.
Couch curlers are a mix of – no two the same. Race, gender, sexuality, class, physical/mental/social/economic health and so forth. Some started at age 5, some as teenagers (great way to get dates), some are now in places where “Curling? What’s that?”, some are retired and some have never curled but somehow feel they have. They don’t need brooms, sliders, rocks, a team, ice, or an arena. Just a comfortable couch in the house in front of a TV or computer. No matter whoever, wherever or whatever, couch curlers can participate in the action, the strategies, the successes and the disappointments just like the curlers on the ice.
A room with one or more couch curlers is never quiet except when the rock is being thrown by the ice curler. Respect for the thrower even if watching from the living room – that’s a rule on and off the ice. But once past the hog line, as both ice and couch curlers know, the volume increases. From Announcer voices, to sweepers to skip, to fans, the voices gradually hit crescendo level (for some shots, the sound barrier is broken – right Russ H.?). In the living room, the couch curler/s might remain seated but vocal. Relying on the announcers mainly, we follow the rock all the way. Comments abound. Too fast? Too much sweeping? Curl you bugger curl. Stop sweeping. Sweep. No no stop- no start. Make it curl. Harder. Harder. Harder (and yes, in the privacy of the living room, couch curlers can make lurid comments). When the rock stops, commentaries still fill the room. “ I knew it was short. Too fast, that’s why it went through the house. Whose counting? How many rocks in play? The advantage of being a couch curler is we get to see the positioning of the rock from every angle thanks to those camera operators and the overhead cameras. That was just one rock and there’s 15 rocks x 8/10 ends more to go! If it’s that final rock that decides, we move off the couch without penalty. Who won? My favorite team? Who gets the money? Or who gets to go to the Olympics? Couch Curlers stand, scream, shout, cry, yell, high fives, fist punch, hug, jump, phone family, phone other couch curlers, post on social media. Just like those curlers on the ice, eh? If it’s not my favorite team or at least a Canadian team? No boos. No cursing. Just congratulations for the winners. That’s the sport of curling – on and off ice, players or fans.
What other sport can you actually participate in the strategy? Couch Hockey? Nope too fast. Couch Golf? Nope too slow and depends where the wind blows. Basketball? Who passed to who and was it an elbow foul? Billiards? Maybe. Curling is sometimes referred to as playing pool on ice. And if anybody complains about how slow curling is, try being a couch baseball player. Couch Curlers are the best strategists in any sport. We can tell the skip that she should do a take-out here and even what weight to throw. “Normal. Hack. T-line. Throw a guard. Close to the rings but not in.” And the strategy possibilities for just one rock are unlimited. Couch Curlers are mathematicians – this angle, that angle. Predictors/Chess players – if he/she/they throws this here and then the other team throws this here, they could take-out 5 of our rocks, leave the skip nothing. And we have to see what’s possible, discuss, listen, decide -we have to think and in a certain time limit. OMG – just like preparing for living in a democracy.
While we sit in front of the TV or participate in social media, curlers, couch curlers and non-curlers are immersed in a world of information (true or not). We hear of wars, suicides, homelessness, violence, ’what’s the matter with kids today’ and so forth. Some can handle the stress, the overload, the dystopia, the chaos. Others can’t. ‘That’s life’ is easy to say and curling is no panacea for coping. It’s merely a very small grain of life. But whether on the ice or on living room couch, I’m grateful that curling is part of my life.
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